Blended families have several challenges and barriers. One serious problem that escalates out of control is the way the new husband and wife feels about their kid(s). Better known as the Kid Factor! Each is committed to his or her own flesh and blood, while they’re merely acquainted with the other(s). The problem is when kid(s) sense tension between the parents, they will use it as an opportunity to exploit the situation to their advantage. Therefore, set boundaries for both sets of siblings. Discuss between husband and wife who should handle the discipline and how. Then share these new rules with everyone. I like to call the Barrier Dissolver! Just remember love is the key to barrier breaker.
Posts tagged ‘newly weds’
Here’s good news just for you. In every blended family their is drama. How much drama does your family have? Because you’re not alone……
“Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know love we have to invest time and commitment…’dreaming that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of bliss or security only keeps us stuck in wishful fantasy, undermining the real power of the love — which is to transform us.’ Many people want love to function like a drug, giving them an immediate and sustained high. They want to do nothing, just passively receive the good feeling.”
― bell hooks
True love is not a fantasy, drug and more than a good feeling. As we invest time in others the dividends are far greater. True love is priceless!
Neither is marriage to be view as a social convenience nor simply an invention for living together. It is ordained by God to be a covenant vow of companionship and mutual complement (Genesis 2:18, 22-21; Malachi 2:14; Matthew 19:3-6), and it is meant to keep you set apart in your physical relationship for one another.
The Word of God also gives instruction’s to love your spouse (Ephesians 5:25); as yourself. If you are a believer in Christ even if your spouse never practices biblical love, you can still be at peace (Psalm 119:165) and can do your part to bring about harmony in your home. But remember you first need to examine yourself before you examine your spouse (Matthew 7:1-5). After seventeen years wife my wife I realize that marriage is truly about dying to your flesh daily. Have you die to your flesh today?
Throughout your marriage, pay particular attention to the following four behaviors (The Big Red Flags), which are considered to be especially destructive and predictive of marital failure.
Be on alert for the big red flags: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.￼￼￼￼
There’s a big difference between complaining and criticizing. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, such as “I’m angry you didn’t put your clothes in the hamper.” But a criticism goes the next step and assigns a character trait, such as “You’re so lazy!”
In response to a complaint, it might seem natural to defend yourself. But rather than defuse the attack, this response usually escalates it. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your spouse. You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”
Too much negativity leads to conversations full of sarcasm, cynicism, and mockery. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship. It conveys disgust, and it eats away at any good in the relationship.
When there’s no hope of progress, one partner (the man in percent of cases) simply tunes out. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t even appear to hear. Stonewalling usually arrives last. It represents a deadly disconnection.
Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sneak into even the best
of relationships. Undoubtedly, an occasional snipe at one’s spouse will occur at some point in the marriage, but be on alert—if a conscious effort is not made to stop these behaviors, they create a cycle of negativity that becomes increasingly destructive and difficult to stop. * Adapted from Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
A few weeks ago a mother in my area was killed outside of her place of employment by her ex-husband. It made me stop and think how many people are living in fear day to day or moment by moment for their lives. If this is you, today can be the beginning of a new day for you! Take these few words to heart….. You no longer have to live as a prisoner in your home or your mind. Today, you are release from fear, bondage, being a punching bag, and most importantly being a hostage. Yes you are FREE!
Domestic violence is physical, mental, sexual, or emotional abuse in an intimate relationship. It occurs when one person uses abusive tactics to gain power and control over a partner or former partner.
Domestic violence hits homes in every community. It has a devastating effect on victims, children, families, and communities.
If you are a victim, you can get help by calling the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic
Violence crisis line toll-free, 24 hours a day at 1-800-650-6522. There are safe shelters across
the state for you and your children, as well as many other services.
There is no excuse for domestic violence. If your spouse engages in one or several of the behaviors listed on this page, it may be an indication that you’re in an abusive relationship, and you should carefully evaluate your relationship and talk with a professional who can help.
Makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells to keep the peace
Makes you feel like a prisoner in your own home •
Yells at you frequently and calls you hurtful names •
Is unpredictable or has sudden mood swings
Threatens you with violence
Breaks or hits things in your presence
Gives you hateful or threatening looks
Shoves, slaps, or hits you
Abuses your children
Keeps you from seeing friends or family
Hurts your pets
Follows you, spies on you, or shows up at your job, school, or friends’ homes
Listens to your phone calls or keeps you from using the phone
Is forceful with affection and/or sex
Accuses you of having affairs
Controls all the money and gives
you little or none
Keeps you from getting or keeping a job
Pushed you to make a commitment before you felt ready
Has a history of battering in other relationships •
Gets very angry or upset with you often and then apologizes with gifts, flowers, and promises
Begin to love yourself by getting help today.
*Adapted from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
You must deal with the truth and not run from it. Are you currently sugar coating something instead giving someone the hard facts? Just remember light overcomes darkness, so set them free today by speaking the Truth, for it is what it is!
So why do family and friends continue to enable their loved ones in exchange for the name of love? Is it the mask of fear, hopelessness, or just that true imbedded addiction that causes one to continue this endless roller coaster.
Their is hope! Once you identify this great ill, the process of conquering it has just begun. Begin today by becoming free from people who enjoy keeping you hostage and in bondage for the sake of love.
You can recover from this great addiction!!!!!!!!